I am not kissing either of them.

Last night, because I am so cool (so cool, in fact, that it is impossible to fathom how cool), I wrote websites at work for eight hours, and then went home to write websites for four more hours.

Meanwhile, The Good Doctor came home for a couple of minutes after work, and then went out to look at large homes with Brazilian cherry wood floors with his gay realtor. He came home four hours later, around the time I was done tapping away about liquor liability laws. Then he looked for his pager for the next 2 hours, while I half-looked and then went to bed.

Clearly, an exciting night.

Then, around eleven, I heard the door to my room creak open (I have no lock, nor privacy) and sat up to find The Good Doctor standing over me with his arm extended, giggling. Then, he screamed and started frantically moving my covers around to find out where it went.

Then I screamed and jumped and wondered where it went. The Good Doctor laughed, I scolded. He flipped back the corner on my red comforter, and a fat, warty, circle of toad croaked at me. I said, You put a frog in my bed! Are you kidding me? Toad pee!

The Good Doctor scooped up the toad and cupped it in his hand and then pet his gray, crinkled head with one finger. He's cute honey! Look at him! They're everywhere outside!

And that is where they should stay. The Good Doctor, laughing, and occasionally screaming as the toad jumped down, or up, brought the toad back outside. I crawled into his bed, in his room, and locked his capable-of-locking door.

The night before, after I'd gone to bed, he snuck in around midnight and screamed boo! and proceeded to gay-ly attack my half-sleeping self. Then, a couple of weeks ago, there was that "water fight," which consisted of him dumping his cold Dasani down the front of my shirt after screaming "water fight!" as though it was license to do so, even though I was unarmed. And then there was that other "water fight" with the kitchen sink sprayer.

I must say, though, it's at least an adventure. Anything to break up the week. I am, I have to say, charmed.