Roadrunner Records!

Today I went to the record store on Nicollet, the one near my house, the one that I’ve decided is “the best” record store, hands down, in the Twin Cities even though I haven’t been to any other record stores.

Yeah. Roadrunner Records not only has a stellar selection of vinyl, but it has an environment that brings out both a 46 year old man and a seventeen-year-old boy in 1980 out of me. And the best part is the discount bay, which is fucking huge and full of records to flip through. No. The best part is that records in the discount bay are 50 cents—but if you buy over 20, they’re 25 cents. 4 records for a dollar! And they aren’t shitty records, like those Kings Road Sings the Whomever crap. They’re original recordings. I have no idea why they’re a quarter.

Fuck yes. I bought 27.

In an hour of browsing, I brought my collection of vinyl to new levels. Here’s a list of what I found for a quarter a piece:

Close To You, The Carpenters.
Album highlights: “We’ve Only Just Begun,” “Close to You.” Plus, Karen Carpenter totally looks fat on the cover. (Come on, you guys. That's not funny.)

The Big Sound of Big Bands, Various Artists
Album highlights: It will remind me of cold evenings at Highland eating soup and grading student papers while listening to the Big Band station on the cable radio station. Also, on the back of the album there is a “sexy” lady with an up-do who is wearing only a sheet and who is surrounded by sousaphones, baritones, and trumpets.

Glenn Miller Plays Selections from the Glenn Miller Story and Other Hits, Glenn Miller
Album highlights: “In the Mood”

Sonatas for Violin and Piano Forte, E Flat K481, G Major K379, E Minor K304, W.A. Mozart
Album highlights: Explanations of the origin of each song.

The Era of Benny Goodman, Benny Goodman
Album highlights: “Sing, Sing, Sing” —Hell yes! Best song ever! Plus there’s a clarinet on the cover!

There Goes Rhymin’ Simon, Paul Simon
Album highlights: “Kodachrome.” Weirdest album art I have ever seen, including a photo with Paul Simon’s hairy chest while he cradles an infant.

Beethoven’s “Pathetique” Sonata No. 8 in C Minor, Op 13, L.V. Beethoven
Album highlights: Bonus track!: “Sonata No. 32, in C Minor, Op. 3.”

The Door is Still Open to My Heart, Dean Martin
Album highlights: “You’re Nobody Till Somebody Loves You” On the back are advertisements for his other albums: Dino Latino, and Dean ‘Tex’ Martin Country Style

Frampton Comes Alive!, Peter Frampton
Album highlights: Dude. Double record collection, including “Show Me the Way.” Band photos are sexy as hell.

The Best of Carly Simon, Carly Simon
Album highlights: “You’re So Vain.” And it’s in its original plastic!

A Portrait of Patsy Cline, Patsy Cline
Album highlights: While the album doesn’t contain “I Fall to Pieces,” “Crazy,” or “Walking After Midnight,” which are by far her best songs, it did once belong to a woman named “Esther” who saw fit to write her name on the front of the album in cursive, as though practicing her penmanship.

Hello, Darlin’, Conway Twitty
Album highlights: It’s cunt-ry. The liner notes inform us that Conway’s real name is Howard Jenkins! The notes end with “P.S. We love you too, Conway.”

Get the Knack, The Knack
Album highlights: “My Sharona,” “Heartbeat”

The Best of Ella Fitzgerald, Volume II, Ella Fitzgerald
Album highlights: Double record collection. So much Ella, good for rainy nights.

Johnny Cash With His Hot and Blue Guitar, Johnny Cash
Album highlights: “Cry, Cry, Cry.” Such an old, early, album, I don’t even recognize his young face on the cover. A great icon of “Sun Records” on the back and front.

Only You, The Platters
Album highlights: Double Record Collection, including, “Only You (And You Alone),” “The Great Pretender,” “In the Still of the Night.” It’s gonna sound so great on summer nights, with all those vinyl crackles.

Little Richard is Back and There’s a Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On, Little Richard
Album highlights: Who knows. Little Richard is fucking crazy. That mustache creeps me out.

The Art of Love, Readings from the Classic Hindu Study of Erotic Love “The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana”, As recited by Saeed Jaffrey
Album highlights: Highlights? Are you kidding me? This is an audio book on album of the Kama Sutra! This is the coolest thing I have ever found in a bargain bin. The narration is “accompanied by selected Indian festive and ritual music on strings, flutes, and drums,” and the program highlights include, “The Tryst in the Pleasure Room,” “In the Beginning The Embrace,” “Biting,” and “Striking.” This is the single most coolest (that’s right, “most coolest”) thing I own, and it was a quarter. Oh, and it’s from 1966. It’s 1966 sex.

A Wild and Crazy Guy, Steve Martin
Album highlights: A comic rendering from the comedian, including “King Tut,” and hopefully some tasteless humor that I love.

John Denver’s Greatest Hits, John Denver
Album highlights: “Take Me Home, Country Roads,” “Leaving, On a Jet Plane.” Pictures of Denver in those round glasses, with his square teeth, among green and yellow shrubbery. John Denver is to country music as Mary Oliver is to poetry.

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme, Simon and Garfunkel
Album highlights: “Scarborough Fair,” “59th Street Bridge Song.”

Bridge Over Troubled Water, Simon and Garfunkel
Album highlights: “The Only Living Boy in New York,” “Cecilia.” I can’t believe these two were just a quarter of a buck.

Elton John’s Greatest Hits, Elton John
Album highlights: Let me just list you the whole lineup: “Your Song,” “Daniel,” “Honky Cat,” “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road,” “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting,” “Rocket Man,” “Bennie and the Jets,” “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me,” “Border Song,” “Crocodile Rock.” Plus, on the cover, Elton is wearing those big, white round glasses, and sitting on a piano bench. The way he’s sitting—well it makes his junk look huge. And that’s hot.

Merry Christmas, Bing Crosby
Album highlights: It’s the classic, with that picture of Bing’s head and him in the Santa hat. The tracks include many that he recorded with the Andrews sisters.

Kenny Rogers’ Greatest Hits, Kenny Rogers
Album highlights: “The Gambler.” At first I wasn’t gonna get it, because “The Gambler” seemed like the only gem. Then I noticed that the last track was, “Lady.” Lady. Laaaaa-day. Sounds like good make-out music, no? And then the song ends, and the record goes screeeeeittch.

Bat Out of Hell, Meatloaf
Album highlights: “Bat Out of Hell,” Paradise by the Dashboard Light.”

And those above were only a quarter. I splurged on one record, which was $6 and cost nearly as much as these all—but it was worth it:

Willie Nelson’s Greatest Hits (& Some That Will Be), Willie Nelson
Album highlights: All of it. I’ve been listening to Willie since I was two, and this album is solid.

Bring on the music! And more, and more, as I start spending most of my days at the record store. Blowing my allowance on all of these silly rock & roll records.