Dear Intrepid,

What up.

Remember when we were in the ditch this morning? Yeah, that was kind of fun--leaving the house at 6:00 in the morning, extra early in the extra-cold-outside. That little bit of snow we got last night left the roads in Elgin a goddamned mess, even more of a goddamned mess than they normally are, and there we were, daydreaming about lesson plans, and we missed County Road 14--just by a bit--so I slammed on your brakes, and the ice took us. The ice took us right on into the snowy ditch, and it was enough even that you were on your side. I tried to push on your gas, in hope--in hope--that I could drive you out of that snowy bitch of a ditch, but of course not! That's not how this works! When I tried to get out of you, gravity even took the door! It was like getting out of a space shuttle. It was like we had landed on the moon...

So there we are, in the ditch at the intersecition of County Roads 11 and 14, in the ditch, sort of on our side. And it was -9 this morning--that's what I saw on a sign (but of course, that was after the sun came up, so I bet when we were alone it was colder).

You know, Intrepid, I know that this ditch-plan was just your way of getting us to have a moment alone. I know how you must feel--I just climb inside you when I need you, you take me where I need to be, and then we part ways. That's not fair. You just wanted some time with me. You just wanted a moment alone. This wasn't the best way to do it--maybe a cute letter in a little envelope on my pillow would be better--but you had something to say, and you said it. I understand. I love you, too.

So we were alone, Intrepid, but I teach first hour, you know. I had to get to school, and in Elgin there are few cars--especially at, now, 6:15 in the morning, so I had to call for help. We called Kris, who has been a life-saver in more ways than one this weekend, and she gave us the number for Virgil's in Rochester, who would come and tow us right out of that ditch.

That was nice. Plus, I had a pen and paper all ready since my briefcase was on the front seat. That was nice.

Oh--hey!-- Remember, remember how then I had to call the tow company? And I said--I said--um, hi, I'm in a ditch and I need to be out of it. Can you help? And they said yes. And I had to give them directions as to where I was! That was scary, thinking that they'd never find me on those Elgin backroads. Whoa! And then we had that little laugh together, when the guy on the other end said and what kind of vehicle do you have? And I told him what kind of vehicle you were, Intrepid, but afterwards I said to you Um, what kind of vehicle do I have? I have the vehicle in the ditch that has a blonde-haired girl who's kind of crying in it. If I lie and tell you I have a Buick, you aren't going to help me? You're going to drive on by, huh? That was silly.

And then we had to call mom and dad, because I don't have credit left because I'm that broke--remember how I told you about that? Yeah, all of my credit cards are maxed out, and I couldn't have paid this guy if I tried! So we had to get Mom's credit card number so I wouldn't be stranded in the ditch forever. That was so silly.

Oh--but this is the best--this is really a gas! Remember how the heat on you stopped working yesterday on the way to school? Like at first you were warm, like a reassuring kind of warm, and then all out of nowhere you started blowing cold air? And I was like pssshhht Intrepid! Don't do that, dude! Not cool! So then we called Dad and he said that it might be your gasket or even your radiator, which it probably was, because that was all weird and smoking yesterday. So your heat is broken, you saucy bitch, and I couldn't even leave you running whilst in the ditch. And your radiator would make you overheat! (Don't worrry--I get this all the time. I often make sexy beings overheat.) I know this is because you wanted us to cuddle up, nice and close, but there was that 20 minutes while waiting for the tow that I thought I might freeze to death in you--I couldn't feel my toes! That's not fucking silly at all.

Then, because of The Inferno I really started to get thinking about this Virgil tow guy who was coming to save me. Like Dante's guide. And since my car was so disgustingly cold, it was like he was saving me from the frozen ninth circle. Maybe that would be a story worth sharing with the studes if I had nothing better to say. Virgil the tow truck driver, driving into Elgin to pull me out of hell.

So I got to calling Mr. O, because he had to cover some lessons for me, and he said did you call someone, and I got all sarcastic and told him I was just planning on hanging out there for awhile until I froze to death. That was sort of fun, but I could tell you were getting mad at me for making that joke. I don't know what you really expected, though! And while we were waiting, while I managed to sit on my feet which didn't warm them, and then we called the tow company and wondered where the hell they were! But then they came, and he put all of those weird ropes on you, and we moved out so very slowly, Intrepid. But he pulled us out, and then with mom's card we gave him $100--and then he said, yeah, these roads, this road is really bad. We're gonna have a lot of tows here today! You think instead Elgin would just plow, but what's the fun in that.

It was an adventure, Intrepid. Oh--hey--hey, remember yesterday after school, in the parking lot, when it was so cold that you almost didn't start?! Let's not try to pull that fucking shit today.

Remember---remember how I have to stop at the gas station to buy you antifreeze today? God, you're so greedy. No, I still love you.

You're such a saucy bitch.

Best wishes,

Jeano

**

I'm not crabby today, and that comment isn't sarcastic. In spite of the mess of this morning, it's been a good day. Here's why:

So, car in ditch. Sucks, yes, heat's broken, yes, have no money to pay tow guy, yes--but you know what rocked about this situation? I fucking got myself out of it, and then it was over, and then everything was awesome and back to normal. It functioned as normal life should function.

Observe:

LIFE HANDS YOU PROBLEM-----> SOLVE PROBLEM ------> REPEAT.

This is nothing compared to what the last couple of weeks have been:

LIFE HANDS YOU PROBLEM ----> TALK ABOUT 700 WAYS TO SOLVE PROBLEM ----> NONE OF THOSE SOLUTIONS WORK -----> GRADE 900 PAPERS IN TWO DAYS.

One problem, four phone calls, out of ditch, solved. Fuck yeah! I accomplished that this morning, and it was enough to jet-fuel me through the rest of the day. All of the classes went well (true, there wasn't as much "lecturing" going on--but still, they all felt good) and I laughed a lot and I didn't look like an asshole today--not even once! And the students like the comments on their hell projects. I found out a student hates me because in "teacher hell" he sent a "teacher" who "taught Dante" without any "serious objectives" in mind there because she "joked about hell too much." My punishment was to be stabbed by arrows and be repeatededly told it's just a joke! Ha. Stupid students. Like I care. Who takes hell seriously? Ah yes. People who take Dante's hell that seriously are the ones who I don't-care-what-they-think-of-me.

So today. You were alright. I'm going to go home and celebrate you by eating some good food, and taking a nap, and following what I did yesterday--grade papers to the Jukebox Gold station and listen to some ELO and Tears for Fears.

Will the Intrepid make it? Well, we've already determined it has such an intrepid soul. Of course it will. Dad's coming to Elgin this weekend.

I've needed a "who fucking cares" day for so long! Woot! Normally I'd be freaking out right now. It's like someone put 17 anxiety pills in my Cherry Coke Zero. Mmm, pills.