if you thought the new year would stop me from complaining, you were fucking wrong (and stupid)

This program is kicking my ass. The students are kicking my ass. The classes I'm teaching are kicking my ass.

I spent the last three days in the classroom, freezing, because when students aren't there, they don't turn the heat up. I worked for seven hours today, and I don't feel like I got that much done. I spent four days working on the unit for the Juniors and I don't feel like it's good enough, and I spent a lot of time in the last couple of days re-learning the things I'm teaching--and it makes me nervous, reading things new, and fresh, and being expected to teach them to the Honors students with some level of depth. Of course, I love learning this stuff, of course, I love teaching and designing lessons. But there's just not enough time. There's not enough time to re-learn all of the content, to get used to the textbook, to design lessons, to organize and lead a discussion, to write unit plans and then expand on unit plans for the grad class. My brain melted today, turned into a steaming gooey soup and leaked out of my ears.

And sometimes I think that Mr. O might want to give me back, like the puppy he got for initial appeal but that now shits on the floor and begs for food.

And I'm nervous. I'm nervous for the 11th graders, I'm nervous for my Middle Ages and Renaissance plan, I'm nervous I'm going to sweep into Mr. O's class and the students will hate me because I'm not him, I'm nervous that this is much, much less than the normal workload for teacher and I'm already falling apart. Yipes. Yipes. I have 60 papers to grade tomorrow night, and some new material to relearn, and I'm tired just thinking about it.

I'm making more changes to my diet, I've decided. From now on, I may only consume the following:

1) Advil
2) Diet Soda

Think of all the recipes I can make with these two staples. Advil casserole, diet soda bread, Advil and diet soda pizza.