minnahsoda trys to raze $

As I pulled into the parking lot this morning, an MPR announcer started a broadcast about Minnesota's defecit. Our state needs some money, but how do we get it?

I'm serious. How does a state raise money?

All I could think of was this:Minnesota has a bake sale. We sell enough cupcakes at 2 million dollars apiece, and we'll have our roads fixed in no time. Of course, the bake sale would rely on Texas' and Wisconsin's fat asses to buy enough cupcakes. And we'll have to make all of those vegan cupcakes for Oregon. Maybe it's not worth it.

But how about...
Minnesota mows your lawn! What a great way to raise money. This will work if you have a lawn mower, or Minnesota might be able to bring his own lawn mower over and then charge you extra for gas.

And if you don't have a lawn:

Minnesota is gonna have a car wash. Not only can you support local cheerleaders, but you can support your state. We'll have a minimum dontation of one billion dollars--and then, we'll bridge that defecit in no time!

But the only way to save education is: making prostitution legal. If we legalize prostitution and then put a tax on that shit--the tax alone could save our schools on 8 billion an hour. And, of course, Minnesota will get lots of clients. Most certainly Kentucky is coming up for some of this. We will be competing with Nevada, but I heard that Nevada has syphillis. No big deal, no big deal.