1) First of all, smoking while wearing a golf glove? Doesn't get much fucking cooler than that.
2) Look. I need something to take the edge off, okay? Because if I have to sit through another day like today, another day of NOBODY HAS ANY MONEY & YOU'RE NOT GETTING A JOB and Ms. P, I don't have my rough draft with me because blah blah blah and learning content and anxiety applying for jobs while at the same time worrying about the job fair and this evil SEP portfolio and worrying about where I'm gonna live in five months and where I'm going to make any money and the bank calling about your student loan, Ms. P and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and.
3) I like cigs in the rain. I like how the smoke warms up my throat.
4) I need something to do during spring break. Do you know how much my spring break is going to fucking suck ass? Most people go somewhere warm, or they at least take a day off, or they at least have someone to look forward to. I have 2 novels to plan for fourth quarter, one which I haven't even read and the other which I read for the first time a couple of months ago. I am going home because I can't stand Elgin. But I can't stand home, either. I've agreed to meet the Good Doctor for coffee, and I've done a good job at avoiding that emotional roller coaster for the last 8 months. Can I stand it? My emotional self can't fucking take it! I'll cave! I'll take responsiblity for everything that went wrong with that relationship and I'll beg for forgiveness. I'm so weak. I'm so weak.
5) I want to look cool.
6) I know that cigarettes are expensive. This is bad because I don't have any money. Unfortunately, this problem becomes circular because not having money stresses me out, and I've reached such a magnitude of stress that the only thing I can do is take the edge off somehow, by smoking.
7) Smoking replaces eating. That also helps with #6 and all the money I spend on foodstuffs.
8) I'll have another reason to drive my car with the window down--so the smoke can get out, of course!
9) I'll be able to say, someday--well, I overcame something. I quit smoking. Good for me.
10) I'll die sooner, which means less time grading papers.
Holy shit, I'm having a bad fucking day. Holy shit, what a fucking surprise.
3 comments:
I also had a bad fucking day. But no smoking.
I am off on Monday and we are getting together. And we are going to do whatever you want to do. So there.
I want to go to Kansas.
If we go to Kansas I insist on staying at the Great Western Inn. Bring your own towels!
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