Tessa versus the Smellies.

During our 4th hour block, there is an interruption for "B" lunch. Often, during this break, I go to visit Tessa to see how her frosh class is doing.

And it fucking stinks in her room.

It stinks in here, I say, everyday. It fucking stinks in here. I am literally choking on the smell in this room.

Tessa has two smelly kids in the same class. They sit next to each other. One smells a little like urine. He wears the same clothes everyday, and, in fact, I had him in my class during first trimester, but my room is a little more ventilated, so he wasn't as stinky.

The other smells like an odd combination of body odor and like he's carrying a wet, sweaty gym sock around in one pocket and a dead rodent in the other pocket. It's a hot smell. So bad it has its own heat. This kid is like a goddamned warm front made of garbage.

I am going to say something, said Tessa. I have to say something. I mean, every day when they go to lunch, I spray half a can of air freshener. It's effecting the environment of my classroom.

I couldn't do it. But good for her. Thank goodness for her.

One day, during lunch, the principal walked by. Hey, come in here, Tessa said to him. He did. She said, so, I have a situation. I have a smelly kid, and I don't know what to say to him. And the principal said, it's okay to say it, you just pull him aside, and you say it. Nobody wants to be the stinker at school, he said.

Ain't it the truth.

Tessa talked to one of the smelly kids today--the urine kid, not the dead-rodent kid. It went something like this:

Tessa: [after class] Hey, can I talk to you real quick?

Smelly kid: Oh, sure.

T: So, this is not easy to say, but I notice that you wear that sweatshirt every day. Is that something that you choose to do?

SK: Oh, yeah, well, I just really like this sweatshirt.

T: Oh, okay, that's good. I just guess my concern is--and I don't want to hurt your feelings with this--is that it seems that there is a bad odor coming from you [interrupts self] --and I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't care about you, it's just that I wanted you to know, just in case you didn't know.

SK: Oh. Nobody has ever told me that before. I had no idea about any of this.

T: It's just like I tell my kids--nobody wants to be known as the smelly kid at school. I just have to remind them sometimes. You just need to make sure that you're washing your shirt and your body every day.

SK: Oh, well, the shirt I'm wearing under this is clean.

T: Oh, well that's good to hear. ...Well, do you get what I'm saying? [smelly kid nods] Okay--well, I'll see you tomorrow.

*

The way she told me the story was heartbreaking. He didn't know he was smelly. He just likes his sweatshirt so he wears it every single day. Poor kid.

One stinker down, one to go. The worse to go. I'm so jealous that she's the kind of person to have that conversation. If it were me, I'd spend so much time trying to sugarcoat it, that we'd never get through our talk. Then I'd just break down and say: ya damn stink, okay?

Oh, freshmen. Don't they know that once the sun comes out they get oh, so ripe.