The most obvious fart in the history of time.

This is the story of the most obvious fart in the history of time. Sit back, friends, and grab yourselves a bowl of broccoli.

My sophomores have just finished watching the movie The Princess Bride to wrap up our short archetypes unit. It's been quiet in the class the entire hour, the students are enthralled with Buttercup and Wesley and Andre the Giant, I've been watching their faces reflect the glow of the screen.

The movie is over. I turn off the DVD, students look at me waiting for instruction, so I give it: take your pink worksheets and finish your questions with a couple of----

PFFT.

There it is. A student in the front of the room, who was lying on the floor. In the process of getting up, he--or she--just let it slip out, an obvious slip. It was one of three kids. It was just this loud, quick fart that obviously wanted to stay in, but pressure and a movement allowed a 'lax of the sphinctor muscles and the brief, horn-like PFFT.

Laughter from up front, the kid on the ground. Was he laughing at himself or the girl next to him who pooped?

The whole class heard it. The whole class. Heard it.

And the thing about being the teacher, the thing is, I'm not allowed to laugh at that. My job is to keep composure when a kid rips ass, to lead by the example that farts aren't funny.

But farts are hilarious. They come from your ass. That's fucking funny.

Anyway, the kid who I think was the fart culprit started laughing, and then the whole class almost gasped at the fact that this was the most obvious fart in the history of time, and I put my hand on the table in front of me to pull it together, and I put my other hand on my hip in a stern-like way, and then I just started laughing. And it was one of those laughs where I was mid-sentence in the sentence I was giving to move on, like:

take your pink worksheets and finish your questions with a couple of---

[PFFT] [solo laughter, gasp from class]

with a couple of partners and [smile grows across face, tries to hide it behind hand] review your ans-- [starts laughing out loud, class joins in]

[4 seconds pass, pulls it together]

A good story to share with other teachers, but then Mr. B trumped it with the kid who, during his 4th block, peed his pants.

But then a couple other teachers and I shared some fart stories, as in I mean, isn't it the worst when you're checking homework and then you just walk into this wall of fart? And you're the teacher, so you can't be like OH MY GOD WHO RIPPED ASS YOU BETTER JUST GO TO THE BATHROOM. You just have to pretend it's not there, and that isn't really fair.

The end.