Inappropriate Elvis.

Um. So, I should admit something before I write this post, and it's this: I don't know what the phrase "Kissing Cousins" means. I used to see it on Wheel of Fortune, and I was like what the hell is that. Gross.

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At work I have the luxury of listening to music while I work, so I've taken advantage of Pandora and created myself a radio station. The artists I've selected are The Supremes, Ricky Nelson, Elvis, Stevie Ray Vaughan, and Willie Nelson. Pandora's job is to find songs by these artists or by other artists that are similar to these artists. Pretty simple, right? Right.

And I thought that I knew all of Elvis' songs, which is generally wrong, because I don't know a lot of the Gospel stuff. But I do know a lot. Just a few minutes ago, a song came "Kissin' Cousins" came on. Now, I'm actually doing work today--well, I mean, not right now, but in general--so I was half listening to the song. What stopped me was one of the opening phrases, sung in the hunka hunka tone of the king himself:

She's my distant cousin, but she's not too distant to me.

Um, what?

I know that things in the late 50s were different than they are now. I know that, as X once explained to me, that love songs are ridiculous. For example, in "Marie's the Name (Of His Latest Flame)", said Marie is in love with the narrator, i.e. Elvis, but then the next night is actually in love with another man. She is in his arms one night, another's arms another night. She was "in his arms eternally and her love she swore to me" ... or something. So she's either a ho fo sho, or entire relationships in songs are scaled down to fit into three minutes. When in actuality, Elvis, sir, a true relationship involves hours and hours and hours of investment, time, love and commitment.

My point is that I know songs from the era are different (well, maybe not that different, but I realize this is a song for Chrissakes not a novel or "real life"), but I still find a sexually suggestive song about one's cousin entirely and grossly inappropriate. And I mean, I love Elvis. If Elvis was my cousin I'd probably... Well. Let's not go there. He's dead anyway, and that just opens too many -ophiliac doors.

Anyway, this is still gross:

We're kissin' cousins that's what I believe, we're all children of Adam and Eve.

You can't make this shit up.