There is no way that this will end in me NOT being a fatass.

The office mate has decorated her side of the office, and it looks good, and we have lots of bulb light in here--four lamps--instead of crappy flourescent office light. She even brought flowers for the top of the microwave and put the electronic pencil sharpener on the bookcase so its technically fair game for all of my pencil sharpening needs. The problem, though, is that she put a big fat bowl of Halloween candy--I'm talking Snickers and Kit-Kats here--on the "fair game" table in the corner, insinuating that this candy is for everyone. "Everyone" includes me, because I'm the only other person in this office, and this means that I am probably going to eat all of the candy. In fact, I feel that it is my destiny to eat all of the candy, and she's never here, so it will be simple for me to fulfill that destiny with the door closed and the blinds over the windows drawn. Because if the blind over these windows weren't drawn, this office would feel very much like an exhibit in a zoo with all of the students walking by. A loud voice over the speaker would say: observe the English teacher in her natural office habitat. Notice she cannot resist the communal candy bowl--look! She has visualized her internal struggle by pretending the candy is not there, but then glancing up from her computer as though the communal candy bowl has called her name.

Other random thoughts on a Thursday:

• I think Darren should be a high school history teacher. First of all, the kids would be like: Oh, Mr. W swore in class today and he went on another rant about the fucking communists. And another student would say yeah, well during my hour he told us another one of his janitor stories, and then he told us this story about how he shit his pants in a lawyer's office. Plus: Imagine Mr. Darren's picture in a high school yearbook. Awesome.
• I've read two books in two days, and I'm feeling pretty literary and smarter than you: Slaughterhouse-Five and The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian. Both were fast reads, of course, and they've given me a little break from Catch-22, which I am trying desparately not to give up on. That's two off the longest reading list ever.
• I keep Jolly Ranchers and Life-Savers in my desk drawer. See the top of this post to understand why that is bad.
• Today I helped a sophomore write a scholarship essay during study hour. This sophomore moved to the U.S. just four years ago, knows he wants to be a teacher, then principal, then superintendent when he grows up, and is an impeccable writer. I mean, his scholarship essay uses the perfect amount of emotional appeal, and with more details his creativity will be an amazing combination of persuasive, emotional writing and scholar. A sophomore. We conferenced for about a half hour, and it felt pretty amazing to be conferencing with a student again and to recognize that he had been just as responsive as many of the MSU students had been. This also worries me, because maybe he was faking understanding and I was talking like a professor instead of a high school teacher. I don't know this boundary yet.
• I am so off my running schedule, it's not even funny. Goddammit.
• I've pretty much come to accept the fact that summer just quit trying. I'm certainly okay with this, but it's still bizarre to me to suddenly be sleeping with 4 blankets instead of my fan. Good for the school mindset, though, and also I don't want to be all sweaty in my office. I do love that it's raining today, and I do love that I am inspired to keep cuddling with books.
• Yesterday, at Barnes & Noble, I signed up for my teacher's discount of 20%. This is awesome. I then bought four books, two of which were for "teaching."
• This lipstick-pig thing is fucking ridiculous. Politics are making me stabby, particularly the republicans who have nothing better to do; moreover, Palin IS a fucking pig with lipstick, so I don't see what the big deal is. This is more a literal observation than a criticism, if you really think about it. Perhaps, it is "God's will" that she looks like a pig in lipstick.
• Storyboard for a lesson plan. We're using markers in class next week, kids. Get your poster-board on.
• I want somebody who will go on a fall walk with me in Elgin. Christina. Jenny. Chad. Get over here, because we need to make some brandy and cider and walk around in scarves.
• Mr. O and I had to remove the magnetic poetry magnet that said, "sausage," from the board because the students were getting out of hand with it.
• I'm thinking about next year, and the thought crossed my mind that my home town will be hiring teachers because they're building more and more schools. What if: What if STMA is the only place that has a job available or the only place that offers me a job? What if I end up working there? Could I do it? Let's hope I don't have to make a decision like that. Blech.
• Footless tights are fucking ridiculous, as is the ratio that Target has of footless vs. regular tights. Who the fuck buys those?
• Shannon: You were right about the Franco Sartos, or I'm already used to the heels. (Let's be honest. I sit all fucking day.)
• I've stopped looking at my bank account, because I'm in deep financial poop. Thanks, Winona, for keeping me up to date on my loans and letting me know the aid wouldn't be coming for a couple of weeks.
• My computer is a slow, goddamned douche-machine.
• Observing class makes me fall asleep, as do movies the 11th graders watch about Epic Heroes that include commentary from Charlton Heston. He's dead, and he owned a lot of guns. The movie also referenced the Star Wars TRILOGY. Ha ha. Public school and our dated films.