Jean's Hierarchy of Needs (& then something offensive)

The days seem to go back and forth, from good to bad, high to low, warm to warm-but-it-doesn't-matter-because-I'm-too-sad. For instance, last night I ate free pizza and went home and ate a bowl of ice cream with sleeping pill sprinkles (really!) and I felt full and slept soundly; today I woke up to a mouse scratching around in my room, got dressed on top of my bed, and then looked at my bank account. (Which has confirmed that I'm once again in panic mode; the second student loan for spring has officially "run out" and I am utterly and completely fucked, and I'm so sick of being here, so, so, so sick of being here.)

So, fuck you, today.

I've been thinking about Maslow all morning. Maslow, the guy who came up with the hierarchy of needs. Observe:

And I've been thinking about how none of these are being met. Maslow argues that we must meet the bottom needs before we can move up this triangle (like a ladder, without being able to skip rungs). According to Maslow, I'm quite stuck in the green mode.

But observe my own triangle of needs, according to, well, me:

I'm severely lacking in the lowest rung, money. Also, as there is a mouse (likely more than one mouse) in my bedroom, I can't even progress up the hierarchy once I have money. Of course, here the irony lies: I consistently have diet soda and really cool sunglasses (often at the same time, even). But I would argue that I cannot truly enjoy those two things without money or without having "no fucking mice in my bedroom." Understand? Good.

***

The Praxis is over and done, the third Praxis, three of three. The last test was a compilation of multiple choice and mostly essay questions that relied on the cirumstance of a "typical high school classroom."

I might get in trouble by ETS, the cock-sucking money-takers (pay for my test scores in hard copy? Fuck you) if I repeat the circumstances of the questions here, but here's a summary of what a test question and my answer might look like:

Mr. Yamaguchi is a Biology teacher who works with a class of honors 8th graders in an urban middle school. His class is composed of mostly boys and only three girls. While an honors class, his students are at different levels of ability.

*

MR. YAMAGUCHI'S LESSON PLAN, DAY #1

Introduce Fertilization--Film Look Who's Talking

Ask Students about prior knowledge of fertilization; re: zygote

Geneology: Have students complete Punnett Squares

Discussion: Should we be able to choose baby characteristics?

*

ESSAY QUESTION #1:

Look at Mr. Yamaguchi's lesson plan for day #1. Identify TWO WAYS that Mr. Yamaguchi could modify his lesson plan to create a higher challenge for his Honors students. Describe how these ways will help his students achieve a higher level of learning in his class.

*

ANSWER, FROM JEAN

There are a number of ways that Mr. Yamaguchi could modify his lesson plan to present more of a challenge to his Honors Biology students. First of all, I would recommend that he invite his daughter, Kristi Yamaguchi, to his Biology class to speak to his students. Almost all times, a guest speaker makes class more interesting. Even though students don't know who she is because she's--what, like 40 now?--she could just pretend she's Michelle Kwan. They're both Asian anyway. Oh, and she could even do an interpretive dance regarding the fertilization of the egg. That would definitely make kids think, because once they can APPLY, as indicated in Bloom's Taxonomy, can they then really connect to the material.

I also noticed that Mr. Yamaguchi has only three girls in his class. It might be interesting to do an experiment where all of the guys in the class learn their genes and then pretend to mate with all of the girls. What males in the class, combined with the girls, would create the most likely superior race? If there are any non-white students in the class, then they don't need to participate because it wouldn't create a superior race; likely there aren't though, because it's an Honors biology class. If by chance a non-white student did get into this class, that student could either A) create a Punnett square to see where his parents went wrong, or B) create an ancestoral tree to determine if any parts of him are white.

Again, I doubt there are any retards in his class, but if there are, they might be able to contribute to the final discussion. While his discussion on whether parents should be able to choose genetic traits is exciting, it would be more realistic if the students could consider an actual person in front of them. Mr. Yamaguchi could call the retard to the front of the class, have him or her stand there, while the rest of the students discuss whether this child should have been aborted had his or her parents had known that he or she would be retarded. If there are no retards available in Honors Biology, then Mr. Yamaguchi could rent one for the hour from the Special Ed room. I'm pretty sure you just have to fill out a form or something, and then put down a deposit. But they might charge a late fee if you hold the student for too long.

(Please, for the love of God, understand that this is satire.)